I had another weird dream, and it serendipitously helps me connect with this week’s readings and teaching. I’ll start with the dream.
The other night I had a dream that I was trying to teach my class, and a little girl of about four or five years old kept running in and disrupting my lessons. She would stay for a while, run around, and would quickly run out of the room again. When she was not in the room, she would stand outside and stare through the window. This pattern happened several times during the same class period. I finally stopped her and told her that I was trying to conduct class and that she should not ever come in my room again. She burst into tears and ran out. She never came back.
Later, I was telling Dr. M about the event, and she asked if I had talked to the child and asked her why she was on campus and why she was doing those things. I said that I hadn’t and we left it at that. Later, I learned that the little girl had been kidnapped and missing for some time. Apparently, I was the last person to see her. I felt horrible because I had just kicked her out without asking any questions, and now no one knew where she was. I woke up after that.
I keep thinking about this dream and what it means. I think it has a lot to do with the anxiety that I am feeling about teaching and how there are some students who I feel like I just cannot reach regardless of what I try to do. I’m guessing that the little girl represented students who are lost or who I see as being lost. Maybe I feel like I am not doing enough to help them or that my teaching isn’t good enough. I don’t really know. Maybe I am the little girl who is lost, and I want to run away screaming and never look back! (Most days, I vote for the latter.)
When Bloom was talking about the problems she faced in the “academy” because she was a woman, I couldn’t stop thinking about how those problems can also leak into instructor/student relations. I have been having somewhat of a power struggle with several of my female students, and I can’t help but feel that things would be different if I were male. I can ask any of my male students to stop talking, and they apologize and “zip it” real quick. But if I ever have to say anything to a select group of female students, I am confronted with a not-so-subtle roll of the eyes as I walk away, and they resume their talking after a few minutes. I don’t think that the age matters because I was talking to a couple of female professors about this last week, and they seem to be having the same experiences. Some women do not like to be told what to do by other women.
I also remember a conversation in practicum about the coordinator having to go talk to several comp classes because female instructors were having problems with them – male instructors did not seem to have those problems. Who’s at fault – the students for not respecting the female instructors or the female instructors for not demanding more respect? I had to go all incredible hulk on my “bad” class one day, and now they don’t mess with the Zohan anymore – but there are still several weeks of school left so I'm not getting my hopes up! I’m sure the fear will wear off soon.
At the beginning of the semester, I assigned personal essays in hopes of learning about my students’ future goals, majors, etc. Some said a little more, and I was able to gain insight into parts of their lives that are now coming in handy. The “autobiography” of the one female student that has been exhibiting the most disrespect keeps replaying in my head. Is it wrong that I am taking her autobiography and using it to dissect her treatment of me – using her personal essay and trying to make sense of how she behaves? She mentioned that her mother and grandmother were homemakers. She told a story about how they cooked and put food on the table for the whole family. This was their job. She also talked about her dad working and coming home really tired all the time. I wondered if seeing her family in this situation made her believe that only men should work. Does she equate working with being in positions of power? At the time, I related to her in that way. My grandmother is a homemaker and my grandfather is the breadwinner and the head of the household. He is the decision-maker and knower of all things. My uncles were all raised to believe that way of life was the right way, you know, women should be seen and not heard. Was this student raised in a family like mine? Are we so much alike that we are different? Has she not yet learned to reject the caveman thinking as I did?
Will knowing this help me to sympathize with and excuse her behavior? No. I won’t excuse her behavior but I will try to figure out a way to talk about how women being empowered is not a bad thing. There is no excuse for her disrespect, but I understand that she might need to be jolted into reality. It’s just a shame that if it is a case of respect due to gender, that some students are able to have that kind of control. It makes you wonder what kind of home they grew up in – what kind of family dynamic they have. If an instructor never assigns a personal essay or never tries to get to know his or her students then there is no hope of ever understanding where they are coming from and their behavior, rebellion, and even cries for help might go unheard.
4 comments:
I'm saddened that a student would be so disrespectful to a teacher (although I'm not so naive to think it doesn't happen). Your analysis of this girl has gotten me wondering... perhaps she was "kidnapped" by her own family and dragged to school. If she does have this idea that girls don't work, then why is she in college instead of finishing school?
I'm impressed how well you can remember your dreams. It makes me wonder why some can vividly remember dreams and some know they had dreams, but they are at a loss to recall most of their dreams.
I haven't had many cases of disruptive students over the years. If I do, I usually try to reach out to them and see what's going on. In most cases, it has nothing to do with the classroom, but some external influences that they may or may not feel comfortable sharing with me. First year students are usually under quite a bit of stress coming to this new environment, leaving home, etc. Some first year female students may experience more stress in trying to figure out if they belong in college, especially ones who come from a background where women are not necessarily encouraged to pursue their educational dreams or do not have a number of role models who pursued college. The residues of Bloom's experiences as a woman in academia are still with us to some degree and may be exhibited in our female students.
I suppose our roles are to help them attain this confidence--talk to them about their higher education aspirations, talk about our own aspirations that may give them role models as male or female teachers. I advocate getting to know them and personal essays are a way to open the conversation.
Disruptions have decreased for me with this approach. It's not fool proof, but it seems to help in the long run. I also like to find humor in the classroom that relieves some of these tensions.
I love your dreams and your analysis of them. They are always so detailed. When I dream about work, I normally wake up tired and angry. I like what commented. That seems to make sense. Just so long as you don't start seeing the little girl everywhere (like on Fringe). :)
female instructors were having problems with [their students] – male instructors did not seem to have those problems. Who’s at fault – the students for not respecting the female instructors...
For the most part, yes. (And I'm assuming the troublemakers were composed of both genders.)
...or the female instructors for not demanding more respect?
Well, respect is obtained in other ways than demanding it. A great deal of it has to do with one's classroom persona -- and I'm probably not mentioning anything you don't know here, so let's continue.
I had to go all incredible hulk on my “bad” class one day and now they don’t mess with the Zohan anymore...
Sometimes, that's what it takes. But I don't see what you did as "demanding" respect; instead, if your reactions were geared within the context of the academic and the work at hand, you garnered that respect through demonstration of an attitude as serious as the Wall Street meltdown. I'm sure a majority of your students picked up on that. As for the rest, they will fall in line as the semester progresses. Or they will face the wrath of both the gradebook and Zohan.
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