I think that practicing the personal essay in this class is beginning to trickle into my everyday life. Word vomit – that is what I want to call it. I keep word vomiting with my personal life. I don’t normally share parts of myself with others unless I know them well; however, lately I have found myself more willing to spill my guts. (Unfortunately, it can be like drunk dialing – you usually end up regretting it later.) Most days, I just sit, listen, laugh, and share the occasional anecdote.
The other day at lunch I was talking to a few people I have only known for a few months. Topics of conversation ranged from eating leftovers to hostile students and even all the way to how incredibly creepy those damn teletubbies are. Like our thoughts, conversations can be so random. Thinking back, I cannot really remember how or when the topic turned to relationships and marriage. I mentioned that I wasn’t interested in getting married and that my boyfriend of 6+ years was fine with that – in fact, he feels the same way.
My announcement was not received well. I was hit with a question that I found rather silly, “Why bother getting romantically entangled if you do not plan to get married?” This question made me realize how conditioned society is – as if only conformists should be allowed to love. The idea of anything different freaks some people out. Like I said before, I wouldn’t normally invite virtual strangers into my personal life, but I eventually found myself defending my relationship as if it needed defending. I went through the whole, “Why should I need a piece of paper to validate my love? Why should I care about taxes? It’s not that I want to keep living life as if I were single, I just don’t want to get married! Jeez!” Afterwards, I felt somewhat violated. I let the personal essay down and word vomited all the wrong things.
Why did I need to explain that I loved my boyfriend even if I didn’t want to marry him?
Why did I need to explain that I don’t have anything against marriage or people who marry, but it just isn’t for me?
Why didn’t I say that until my gay brother can get married, I don’t wish to be a part of the hypocrisy?
Why didn’t I say that my mother has been married and divorced three times and has made me question the entire institution?
Why didn’t I just say that I was broken and leave it at that?
5 comments:
I understand this thing called "word vomit." I specialize in it, and I am humbled by the many interesting phrases that individuals come up with to describe the personal. It helps with the self deprecation that is a desired quality of an essayist.
I enjoy the essay for its nonconformist qualities, and it seems like an appropriate writing form when I write about nonconformist issues. The writing form seems to be my partner as I rebel against established conventions. Maybe, I see this in your essay as well. I guess you are the one, though, to answer that question.
lately I have found myself more willing to spill my guts. (Unfortunately, it can be like drunk dialing – you usually end up regretting it later.)
Know just how you feel...because I experienced the same nausea after publishing the post on my daughter last week. ("OMG! What will people say?!") Took me 2 full days to snap out of it.
My announcement was not received well. I was hit with a question that I found rather silly, “Why bother getting romantically entangled if you do not plan to get married?”
There's a standard answer to this nonsense about "romantic entaglements" and "marriage." You don't have to lay an egg to know if it tastes good.
Afterwards, I felt somewhat violated. I let the personal essay down and word vomited all the wrong things.
Not at all. You left them lying in their own pile of intellectual refuse.
Why didn’t I just say that I was broken and leave it at that?
Because you had the good sense to challenge that "conditioning" we have all (or most of us) endured throughout our lives. As I said at the start of this comment, it sometimes takes awhile to snap out of it. Unfortunately, there are also times when we never do...when that "conditioning" is just too strong for us to "let go."
If it makes you feel any better, getting married doesn't really change the relationship (if you don't let it). You're absolutely right in saying that it merely validating your love with a piece of paper. Brenda and I always comment on how trying (or expecting) the relationship to change post-nuptials would have been a bad thing. Why change a good thing? All that changed for us was the title (and her name).
I agree with Bryan...marriage doesn't change anything (except for make some people more boring). If I had it to do over, I wouldn't get married just to get under everyone's skin. I'd still be w/ my guy, he'd just be BF forever. Why we have allowed our government to dictate social construct to us (and subsequently to exclude certain people from benefits that have nothing to do with said social construct) is beyond me. Don't mind me...I'm in "frustrated voter" mode.
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