Support Groups are not just for physical battles

Originally posted as a note on Facebook - March 10, 2014 at 9:06pm

Failing the bar exam is a traumatic experience. You go through hell the first time you have to take it, and then you are suddenly faced with having to repeat that hell. You have to drag yourself out of the hole of exhaustion and despair to face a completely new exam.

Why? Because your future depends on it.

You have to hear people tell you that it will be easier because you've done it before, but those people fail to realize that you will never see it that way. You know failure. You know that it's a possibility because it's already happened once, and you are terrified. Some of my family thought we just had to repeat the same test as last time with all the same questions. No. It's like the first time all over again because all the questions are new. The only thing that remains the same is the uncertainty and fear.

When I finally pass the bar exam and get settled somewhere, one order of business will be to start support groups for people who failed the bar exam - led by people who failed the bar exam.

No one can understand what this type of failure feels like unless you've experienced it. And when you're going through it, you don't want to talk to anyone who doesn't know how it feels. You don't want to tell anyone who hasn't shared your experience how you really feel if there's a chance that they might think you are weak or foolish. Throughout this experience, I have encountered kindness from many, but I've also been faced with insensitivity from some.

Some will think this post silly and say that support groups are for people with real problems. But, again, you don't know how it feels until you live it. And I don't mean live with someone who has lived it. Live it yourself. Survive it. Conquer it.

I say all this without worrying that it seems over-dramatic. The feelings are real. Most of us just don't ever say it to anyone who isn't our comrade in despair. Some don't open up at all. That silence needs to change.

People will keep failing and needing support and true understanding.

I know I'm never going to forget this feeling, and I'm going to be sure to make myself available for those who need me to support them through their time of uncertainty and fear.