Sterling: You're looking for the word yes.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Malory: Yes.
Sterling: Then, yes.1- 0
- 3
God, everything makes you uncomfortable. Just the tip?
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 4
So, thanks for nothing Carol. Now, I have to break into ISIS headquarters—in a $900 turtleneck. And if it gets ruined, I'm going to make you drink heavy cream, you ... Carol.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 5
Sterling: Do not wind her up: that is a big gun and she is baby crazy.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Lana: Baby crazy?!
Sterling: That's why I dumped her.
Lana: You little, you sack of shit. I dumped you because you're dragging around a 35-year-old umbilical cord!
Sterling: See, all you talk about is baby shit, because you're baby crazy!0 - 6
Lying is like 95% of what I do.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 7
Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts? No, ISIS agents use Krav Maga.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 8
Hey, I know you're upset, but if you ever mention my mother's loins or their frothiness to me again, I don't know what I'll do ... but it will be bad. Now let's go bury this dead hooker.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 9
You know, I bet there's a lesson to be learned from all this, but I ... oh shit, my rug!
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 10
Sterling: Conway! What the shit, man?!
–quote by Sterling Archer
Conway: What? Schmeck was a traitor.
Sterling: Yeah, now he's all over my $400 custom shirt.
Conway: Well, I'll buy you a new one. Now grab the plans before it's too late!
Sterling: It's already too late. Because it's already soaked into the fibers, dumbass! This is linen!0 - 11
Sterling: Conway, wait! Just answer me one question.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Conway: Yeah, but make it quick—my ride's here. And your lungs are filling up with blood.
Sterling: Did you have sex with my mother?
Conway: Wait, what? That is your only question? Not who am I, not how did I infiltrate ISIS, or, or, or who's flying the helicopter?
Sterling: Just answer the question!
Conway: No, Archer, I didn't have sex with your mom.0 - 12
Malory: It's okay! They're just blanks.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Lana: Well, see, you say that ...
Malory: But they were blanks—weren't they?
Sterling: Only if the back of his skull picked that exact moment to explode outwards0 - 13
Cyril, I paid her, I get to carry her corpse.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 14
Woodhouse, we got any lube? Like even olive oil at this point would ... help me get that drawer unstuck.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 15
You know, when I was little I used to pretend that you weren't my mother.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 16
And your shoes! Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly? Seriously, that's like Eggs 101, Woodhouse.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 17
Mine always said, "Sterling, come in here and check me for lumps." Holy shit, was that out loud?
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 18
Sterling: How do you say "The Hulk" in Spanish?
–quote by Sterling Archer
Ramone: "El Hulk."
Sterling: Gay.
Ramone: What? We don't have a word for "Hulk."
Sterling: Do you have a word for gay?
Ramone: "Gay."
Sterling: Gayer.0 - 19
Sterling: You know, if there's one thing women totally love, it's to be smothered by men.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Cheryl: Ha, like you'd know.
Sterling: Or choked, in your case.0 - 20
Cyril, come on. Worst case scenario, her cover got blown and Skorpio's raping her senseless before he chops her battered corpse into fish food. What? I said worst case.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 21
How'd you get life insurance, Lana? Don't they know you're in thedanger zone?
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 22
Lana. Lana. Lana? LANA! Danger zone.
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 23
I'm getting my turtleneck. I'm not defusing a bomb in this!
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 24
Sterling: And M, as in Mancy.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Lana: M, as in what?
Sterling: Mancy. What'd you think I said?0 - 25
Hey, we're out there risking our lives every—many of the days!
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 26
Hey Cyril. Cyril. CYRIL! I'm saving Lana, as usual!
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 27
Sterling: Hey! I'm serious. Look at me, seriously, Lana. Forget the eye bandage, but the hair, the strong jawline—who do I remind you of?
–quote by Sterling Archer
Lana: Nobody.
Sterling: Say it. Say it. Say it!
Lana: Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
Sterling: No! Not in Deliverance. In Gator! How can you not see that?0 - 28
Lana: Okay, that was a fluke.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Sterling: Yeah, a fluke of nature. Because I happen to have perfect situational awareness, Lana. Which cannot be taught, by the way. Like a poet's ... mind for ... to make the perfect words.0 - 29
I'm gonna pain you dearly Woodhouse, when I peel all your skin off with a flencing knife, sew it into Woodhouse-pajamas, and then set those pajamas on fire!
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 30
Hey. Hey, proposition: first person to untie me, guy or gal, I will let him or her give me a handy. Come on, let's share the milk of human kindness!
–quote by Sterling Archer0 - 31
No, no, it's Woodhouse! He's all tied up somewhere, sc-scared and alone! And possibly dehydrated!
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 32
No Cyril, when they're dead, they're just hookers!
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 33
Hm? Sorry I was picturing Whore Island.
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 34
Sterling: Who would want to wear an on-fire suit?
–quote by Sterling Archer
Lana: Cos play enthusiasts!-1 - 35
Malory: If you were half as smart as she was–
–quote by Sterling Archer
Sterling: She wasn't too smart to die from eating chocolate, was she?-1 - 36
If you want breakfast you should try the diner; you're obviously into greek. Get it?
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 37
I have to go, but if I find one dog hair when I come back I'll rub sand into your dead little eyes. I also need you to buy sand. I don't know if they grade it, but ... coarse.
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 38
No, no, turn it on. I can do both.
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 39
Can I offer you a drink? How about this expensive prostitute?
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 40
Malory: It doesn't exist for you to just jet off to ... Whore island!
–quote by Sterling Archer
Sterling: That's not ... a real place.-1 - 41
If you let me into the mainframe, I'll drop these donuts. And then you can pretend you're a hungry hungry ... hungry hippo.
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 42
Can't or won't?
–quote by Sterling Archer-1 - 43
Sterling: Yeah, I know it's sexy Woodhouse, that's why I bought ten. Now arrange those by color.
–quote by Sterling Archer
Woodhouse: These are all black.
Sterling: Oh, are they? Or are five in a dark black, and are five in a slightly darker black?
No comments:
Post a Comment